An Opinion on Cliques
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Originally published in October 1994
Here is my often-asked opinion on cliques—I hate them! I hate them! I hate them! I have no interest in dealing with cliques. What a deterrent to Wild Frontier living. Just watch my eyes roll when someone asks me about the problem of cliques. I will answer and help, but my eyes will roll.
Cliques are a piddly thing that destroys God’s plan for youth ministry. In the scheme of Satan’s attacks, cliques are a small speed bump and yet they continually hang up youth ministries and get them sidetracked from what they should be doing. Retreats and lock-ins are devoted to this problem. Most of the time spent dealing with clique situations seemingly wasted time when youth should be out on the Wild Frontier fighting real battles. “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:10. I hate cliques. Have I said that already?
Now that I have had my little tirade, I would like to give you my opinion of this problem in a logical mind set.
The bottom-line problem in this clique situation is fear—particularly fear of being uncomfortable. And this fear affects everybody. Recently I was in Miami for Teen Mania’s Leadership Training Institute and this fear was evident here. I was with like-minded people, approximately 100 of us, deep in worship to our God—we were one. Yet when the sessions broke up, we all walked out of the room individual and separate from one another. I wanted to meet these other people, not to be separate from them, but I, likewise, walked off letting fear stop me. This behavior from someone who hates cliques and was aware of what she was doing. How much stronger this fear must be in your youth?
When your youth are coming to a youth meeting, they are coming in with problems. These problems could be normal adolescent stuff or some real problems plaguing our society. This is why they are coming to youth group. This is their place to be with the Higher Power to help with these problems. This is where they should be.
Your youth come expecting help at youth group and this is where the disappointment comes. Everyone is coming to youth group with problems and everyone would like the warm-fuzzy support. With so many needing and so few giving, you are more hurt and fear sets in as they think “why should I help or reach out, nobody did (or does) to me.” Even the most confident and/or popular members suffer from this same far when it would seem they have nothing to fear. You will also notice that the youth, usually not in that popular group, who are the tightest with God will be the ones not having problems with cliques.
These few have discovered the truth. While warm-fuzzies are nice, necessary, and helpful encountering God is the first step in solving the problems brought into youth group. The more your youth touch God the more they feel their needs are met, the less fear they have, the less cliques and clique-problems you will have.
This is why we love retreats. At retreats your group becomes close to one another. At retreats your youth touch God—that’s why we do them. At retreats youth touch God—that’s why we do them. When youth touch God, this fear dissipates and the clique lines disappear. This is also why a retreat theme of unity is a waste. This happens naturally.
So what do you do with your cliques? You can’t do retreat every week. Here are some suggestions from the 13-years of experience with youth groups:
1. Pray.
2. At every youth meeting, plan for a time the youth can touch God. This is usually in worship not in singing—here is a difference. Most youth groups do not have the leaders for worship but this can also be accomplished through prayer. Be creative.
3. Pray for specific situations by name.
4. Stretch yourself to go one step beyond where you are in your own spiritual walk. Your youth group will only go as far as you. You have to always keep your life on the ed if you are truly I youth ministry.
5. Pray against this spirit of fear.
6. Stretch your expectations of your youth ministry. Expect your youth to have God touch their problems. We often set our expectations to low.
7. Pray for God to show Himself to individual youth.
8. Pray.
Update for 2011:
What I’ve learned 18 years since I wrote this: When the entire church family is involved in the youth ministry, these clique problems practically disappear. Peer-to-peer relationships are still there but most of the mirrors these teens now have to see themselves and their fears are other adults who have “made it” and can give teens the ministry they need. From experience I can say, “Poof! Clique problems are now rare.”
