Wheat and Weeds
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Originally published in June 1993
“The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared.
“The owner’s servants came to him and said, ‘Sir, didn’t you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?’ ‘An enemy did this,’ he replied.
"The servants asked him, ‘Do you want to go and pull them up? ‘No,’ he answered, because while you are pulling the weeds, you may root up the wheat with them. Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned, then gather the wheat and bring it to my barn.’” Matthew 13:24-29.
We have youth groups of wheats and weeds, don’t we? We plant all this good seed and this is what we love about our work. But we have all these weeds that drive us nuts! We may want to pull them up by their roots right now but the Owner has asked us to keep them in our group—as difficult as they are.
I never thought I would learn a lesson on this aspect of grace in the public school classroom. What would have happened if I had ripped Randy out of the ground too early? And the work is yet to be finished in Randy!
Randy is one of those weeds who is hard to love. And he didn’t make it easy for me to either. Randy is an eighth grader at the school I substitute at. He’s the class clown type who acts up for attention—particularly for subs.
Every time I had Randy in one of my classes he would receive a discipline referral. He didn’t know when to stop. Soon this odd relationship between Randy and I became known throughout the school. Whenever I had Randy in my class, other students would ask if I had the referral ready.
Throughout the year, Randy learned to behave in my classes (he figured out when to stop) but the teasing continued. It was his special contact to the favorite sub at Godwin Middle School.
The day finally came when Randy was the best one in my class. This particular day not only was his behavior perfect, he was the first one to finish his classwork. When he finished he made sure he caught my attention so that I could notice. I gave him a look of surprise tied in with lots of approval. Randy smiled ear-to-ear trying to act embarrassed but loved it when the class joined with me in the look of surprise.
There are three things we can do to express this aspect of grace to these weeds. One is affirmation. Teenagers hear so infrequently that they are great. Because of the number of referrals Randy receiving from me, the students asked if I didn’t like him. It was hard for them to believe that I could still like him after all the trouble he was for me. Statistic after statistic tells us how lost this generation of teenagers is. Yet they are individuals who we love irregardless of what statistics say. No need to tell you this, you are in youth ministry where loving kids and giving them affirmation is what we do daily.
At the end of that period with Randy, the boys’ baseball team was dismissed early to go to an away game. Randy got up to leave. Another surprised look came across my face. In front of the whole class I went nuts. Not only did I believe Randy made the team but he had gotten himself off of the conduct ineligibility list which meant his behavior had improved not just for me but for other teachers. I was overly exuberant and verbally told him over and over again how proud I was of him. It probably was a bit overdone but I was that shocked and proud of his behavior.
Well, I was duped. A few minutes later Randy wandered back into the room. Remember that old fool-the-sub trick?
When I realized this I was mad. I confronted Randy, “Did you lie to me?” The kids in my school know they can try to get away with stuff but are not to ever, ever lie to Miss Seefeldt. The other kids in the class heard this and joined in, “Oooo Randy, you lied to Miss Seefeldt. You never lie to Miss Seefeldt.” Randy was backpaddling his way out of this saying, “Miss Seefeldt, I thought you knew it was a joke.” I responded, “Randy, if it was a joke why would I stand here in front of the class and praise you for five minutes? (It was about that long.) Why did you let me go on and on like that if I had gotten the joke?” The rest of the class joined in again. Randy laid his head down on the desk.
A few minutes after I had calmed down I saw that Randy still had his head on his desk. I said to Randy, “It would really help if you would at least apologize.” Of course, the class mercilessly joined in again.
I walked to the back of the room to put some books away. Randy very quietly raised his head and whispered that he was sorry. You could see that he meant every word. His head went back down.
I moved over to sit next to him when the class joined in again. “Miss Seefeldt, Randy’s been crying. He lied to you. He won’t apologize. He’s been crying.” Randy tried not to show it, but he had been crying.
Another area we can reach the weeds with is acceptance. And this is why Randy cried. He felt he had lost my acceptance. Even though his behavior throughout the year didn’t merit my acceptance, he knew I still accepted him. And this was something he desired greatly.
I sat down next to Randy and placed my hand on his shoulder—and told the rest of the class to do their work and stay out of this. Randy and I talked about how I didn’t get the joke, that it wasn’t funny, how proud I was of his behavior over the school year, and that I sincerely believed he was sorry. It was a moment between Randy and I.
The last area is affection. Randy had hurt me but I got in his face, touched his shoulder and that let him know that I still thought he was great. Studies show that one way to help attention-deficit disorder kids stay focused is touch. A touch to the head or shoulder is usually what I do, even mussing up hair in that motherly fashion. That touch to the head focuses an ADD youth or anyone for that moment or maybe even longer. Affection can be a tricky area but there are ways with touch and words where we can express such affection for teenagers.
This may see easy for me to say. After all, I don’t have your weeds.
There are certain black-and-white rules that need to be adhered to and that most people, even adolescents, know to obey. And if they are not, discipline is the result.
But there are times when we want to rip out these weeds when the Owner has asked us to have them grow up with the wheat and He will pull them when He is ready.
I spoke at a youth meeting recently who had the wheat and weeds and it was dividing the group. The weeds came in late this particular meeting and were met with moans and groans and rolled eyes from the wheat. Two sides were drawn. The mood in the meeting immediately changed.
The youth pastor knew this was a difficult situation but continued to show affirmation, acceptance, and affection to these weeds. It was evident.
Just weeks after my visit, the weeds were separated from the wheat. Circumstances were the deciding factor. The Owner had them pulled. But for the time they were growing with the wheat, they had an experience of grace and the love of the Owner.
I didn’t have to show Randy grace, especially in a public school classroom as a sub, but it made a difference in his life. I see the evidence every time I see Randy. Weeds can be difficult. I have no doubt about that. But we don’t know what we are growing.
Update from 2011: The impact on this Randy’s life is over. Trevor Ansell died in 1999 of a drunk driving accident. At his funeral, the best thing that was said about him was that he was an organ donor.
